Our Prisons
by Turangan
Summary: Alex is serving additional time for her role in the murder of Aydin, as assassin who had been sent to kill her. Piper has since been released and has taken up work as a lawyer, specializing in appeal cases for marginalized criminals who have been unjustly persecuted. If only Alex would let her help...
1. Chapter 1

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own Orange is the New Black, though I do owe a great deal to the creative minds behind the series. Further to this, I would like to do my due diligence and state for the record that I also do not own or license any of the characters mentioned henceforth. All ideas contained within these chapters are my own and any likeness to any other story / media is completely coincidental. If, for whatever reason, you should consider anything I have written to be a breach of creative licensing, please let me know. Else wise, enjoy and please leave comments as you see fit. I will update with more chapters as soon as I can!_

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 _Dear Alex,_

Piper stared down at the yellow stationary she was scribbling on, completely at a loss for words. What would she - or could she - even say after all this time? All of her previous attempts at reaching Alex in prison over the past year had gone mostly unanswered, save for the one time Alex wrote back asking for her to leave her alone, that she wasn't interested in playing into Piper's games anymore, that she had to find a way to move on because her heart couldn't take it anymore...that she wouldn't be writing back again. Piper remembered everything about that letter, from her uncontrollable shaking when she first pulled it from her mail box, to the overwhelming sadness and frustration that had washed over her upon reading Alex's final words: _I can't anymore, Pipes._ Drained and weak, Piper was awash in contrition, swearing to stop writing Alex and vowing to move on. And yet, months later...

 _I..._

"Fuck!" she snapped, throwing her pen down. A million frustrated thoughts surged through her head like a broken dam. _I fucking miss you, you fucking psycho!_ _I fucking miss the shit out of you! I fucking miss you..._

Tears welling, Piper spun around in her chair, half-heartedly attempting to put some distance between herself and the notepad on her desk whose empty lines and bare spaces seemed to be viciously taunting her. The view from her office was vast and expansive – the perfect remedy for the occasional bout of writer's block or a tough case which required thinking outside of the box. Piper grimaced and absent-mindedly hugged herself as she tried to turn her focus instead to the horizon, taking notice of a particularly menacing storm of clouds threatening to take over the Conneticut skyline. She found her mind slipping back to that cold, overcast Chicago morning when she had glimpsed raven hair, instantly relieved to find Alex in jail with her. Screaming her name, all Piper could do was succumb to thoughts of being with her again, the security of her touch, the freedom from prisons both real and imaginary…

"Hey, chief, we almost done here?"

Piper jumped in her seat. Hal stood in the doorway, his kindly weathered face piercing through the bleak office like a lighthouse in the fog. Piper feigned a smile back.

"Uh...yeah...soon...just thinking about a case..."

"Yeah yeah yeah, I've seen that look before,' Hal smirked. 'You're like a dog with a bone with some of these murder trials. Just don't forget to take care of yourself, ok bud?"

Piper winced at the word 'murder', her mind drifting back to Alex, wishing she could just hold her again, run her fingers through her hair, breathe her in, tell her everything was going to be okay...

"Well, uh...' Hal started, slightly taken aback by Piper's silence. 'Good..."

"Hey, Hal, listen, I have to take tomorrow off. I need to go...see a client...tomorrow..."

"Oh yeah? Where?"

"Litchfield..." Piper trailed off, looking away again. She had avoided this move until now, not wanting Alex to think she had used her prowess as a lawyer to manipulate her way into prison to see her... _I mean, if she didn't want to see me, why should I force her to? But..._

"Okidoke,' Hal winked, noting her dour mood. 'I won't pry. You take the day, get some work done, report to me by the end of the week on your progress..." He smiled, tapped on her doorframe, and walked off whistling.

Piper leaned back in her chair and stared at the ceiling, exhaling with relief that Hal had left her alone in her thoughts. Hal was a nice guy, a great boss, one of the country's best legal prosecutors...but right now, she was in no mood to be putting on a facade for him, the cool and strong Piper who had won trial after trial and garnered his firm a reputation for excellence. Right now, she was broken Piper, Piper with a broken heart, Piper who wanted nothing more than to...

"FUCK!" Piper lamented.


	2. Chapter 2

_I keep finding spelling/grammatical errors...sorry everyone...I have never written a story before, and while English is definitely my first language, it's been a while since I've written anything this long, period. Nothing ruins stories for me quite like running into hiccupping spelling errors or sentences that plain don't make sense! I'm trying to fix them as I encounter them, but please have a little patience with me as I proceed through the next few chapters and iron out my flaws. Love you all!_

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Piper had awoken to another dreary overcast sky. Sleep had eluded her most of the night, her mind racing through countless snippets of one-sided dialogue with Alex in her head. She had finally managed to drift off a few hours ago, only to be awoken by the intrusive sound of her phone's alarm clock reminding her it was time to get up and face her fate.

She dressed as well as she could for the occasion, self-consciously fretting over the pencil skirt, blouse and blazer ensemble that she had laid out he night before. She wanted to dress formal enough that she exuded the look of a lawyer to those on the outside, but informally enough that Alex wouldn't be put off when she saw her on the inside. Staring at herself in the mirror, she put her hair up in a bun, her hands mechanically fixing the little wispy hairs that were frazzling outwards. _Even my hair is freaking out_ , Piper conceded. She felt ridiculous and ugly in her get up, a far reach away from the attractive bikini-clad figure she once struck walking on the beach with Alex. _Fuck it_ , she thought with frustration, letting her hair down. _Nothing to be done._ She grabbed her keys and sped out the door, refusing to give herself any more excuses to procrastinate.

As the morning progressed, the lump in Piper's throat grew. The cool and calm facade Piper was actively putting on was cracking the closer she got to the prison she had called home for what seemed like an eternity. The repetitive swish-swooshing of her windshield wipers lulled her into a hypnotic state of helpless ennui, her mind completely overshadowed by the grayness both outside and within. Green light after light greeted her as she passively paved way through the bustling streets, Piper's commute being made somehow agonizingly short the one time she would have given anything for some time time alone. Before she even had time to fully register where she was, she found herself turning into Litchfield's visitor lot, the familiar bump in the road near the entrance jarring her back into reality.

Parked and drumming on the steering wheel, Piper found herself once again lost in deep thought. Somewhere in front of her, cemented in those beige fortress's walls was the person she loved more than anything or anyone in the world. As happy as she had been to be released from prison, a part of her was undeniably still in there, walking around in those walls, maybe still folding laundry, maybe still reading book after book on a hard little cell bunk. But hadn't it always been this way, Piper on the outside, trying to get Alex to let her in? How many times, once in, did they fight, did one storm out, only to return hours or even days later, begging for forgiveness and another chance?

Sadness suddenly overcame Piper as she realized how alone Alex was in there. In the small amount of time she had had to live without Alex, Piper's loneliness was unparalleled. It was a level of vulnerability that Piper had never experienced before. If Alex was even feeling a small percent of that...no wonder Alex hated her.

Exhaling, she stepped out of her car. Fidgeting with the buttons on her blouse, she grabbed her briefcase and slammed the car door shut. She felt her throat constrict as her heart began beating faster and faster, slamming in her chest. One foot in front of the other, her head bowed down in deep thought, she strode forward with purpose and intent, readying herself to enter the monolith.

Stepping inside the front vestibule, she was hit immediately with the familiar smell of the prison. It was hard to pinpoint- kind of like an old, concrete gym with hints of antiseptic and perhaps even the stink of despair. Piper straightened out her posture and attempted to approach the front desk with an air of confidence.

She was relieved to be greeted by a guard she had never seen before. Gone was the rehearsed banter she had prepared in anticipation of seeing a guard from her days in the prison; in it's place, a guard who clearly was not in the mood to be working this morning. Piper signed in and gulped as she declared Vause's name as the purpose for her visit. Did she want a private visitation room? Yes, Piper declared, at once ecstatic and terrified for the opportunity to be alone with Alex and uninterrupted.

Piper was escorted down familiar halls and brought to the room where she was told to have a seat and wait for Alex to be brought in. While she waited, she opened her briefcase, bringing out several pieces of paper and several pens, all of which she absent-mindedly arranged in neat order on the table, each perfectly square with the table edge and parallel to each other.

Symmetry was pipers thing. There was something so soothing about clean, crisp lines and order. It had always struck her funny that, for all the chaos in their relationship and the crazy way Alex carried herself, when Piper looked in her face, she saw nothing but calm and beauty. Alex was blessed with a face that would be home in any magazine, perfectly symmetrical and incredibly striking. Piper had fallen lovingly into those perfect eyes on so many occasions, swept up in trust and complete love. She leaned into Alex, breathed into her neck, kissed...

"Wow Pipes, OCD much?"

Piper was shocked out of her thoughts by *that* voice. Pipers jaw dropped a bit as she looked up and saw Alex standing over her, head tilted, eyebrow cocked and half smiling. Alex looked good - she looked like she had put on a few pounds, but somehow even in her prison issue garb she looked amazing. For what seemed like eternity, Piper was left speechless.

"You know, you're going to have to try a little harder if you want to be my lawyer Pipes, I'm not gonna pay for a lawyer who can't sp..."

"Oh God, Alex shut up!"

"Ok? Rude…" Alex laughed and slid down on the seat opposite to Piper.

Without Piper even knowing what she was doing or saying, she just opened like a floodgate.  
"Al.. I've missed you soo much..."

Alex shrugged her eyebrows, looking less than impressed with Piper's overt show of emotion. "It's been a long time, Pipes. And look at you now, you seem to be doing better for yourself now that we're…apart." Alex gestured wildly, uncomfortably looking around.

"Al, don't say that."

"But it's true. Freedom suits you. Get away from the…trash here...spread your wings... justice for all, all that jazz."

Anxiety diminishing, Piper stared deeply into Alex's eyes, trying to re-establish, even for a minute, the deep level of connectedness that had always existed between the two.

"Alex, do you even know why I'm here?

"Well, let's see.' Alex sighed and pushed her glasses up into hair, breaking eye contact. 'You've got papers all over…I see lots of small writing and lines..and at least two pens that I can see, so unless you're here to play mad libs..."

"Yeah, that's why I'm here."

"Oh thank fuck, I love mad libs!" Alex clasped her hands together in mock triumph.

Piper rolled her eyes and stared at Alex with exasperation - she was like a little boy somedays.

"Alex, I know we have a past and I know you're mad at me…"

"Pipes, I'm not mad.."

"Ok, resentful.."

"Blissfully…stoic?"

"Yeah, sure, ok. Whatever you want to call it. But when I got out of here, I swore to myself that I would do anything that I could to fight the good fight. There are people in here, Alex, people like YOU - ' Alex scoffed, knowing where this was going - 'People who do not deserve to be in here, good people who have done things…maybe not so great things, but things that they did due to a lack of choice, a lack of other means... some made mistakes, some were just swallowed up by the system..."

"Piper, cut the bull. I am not a good person!' Alex quickly glanced around and lowered her voice. 'I'm a fucking murderer. I fucking…killed someone! I get that what we had was special, and believe me, I loved every minute of it…but if you legitimately took your rose-colored glasses off for even just one second and looked at me for who I really am..."

"Alex..."

"No, Piper - just stop all this bullshit right now and look at me! Who the fuck am I? A fucking.. ex-junkie loser con, drug smuggler, pimp-esque... murderer! And yeah, now I'm in here. In jail. Alone. Yeah, maybe I have my good days when I'm not a complete and total fuck-up douchebag…but don't we all think we're good people for what we do? We make excuses for this shit, and it's like…Why? Why do I get a free pass for being a shitty human being, for taking another person's LIFE, Piper, just because, what, I have a good heart or some shit like that? Tell me that, Pipes. Explain that to me. Because I would really like to hear what you come up with."

Piper looked at Alex sincerely, reaching across the table to put her hand lightly on top of Alex's. Alex looked down at their hands, but didn't pull away.

"Alex…I know you. You are not a pimp,' Piper cracked a sad smile at Alex and gently shook her head. 'And, more importantly…you are not a murderer."

Alex tensed up and pulled away from Piper's hands.

"Then what was that, when I…chopped Aydin up…turned him into some sort of sick, disgusting…organic compost…what was that, like some twisted game of Operation?" Alex hissed.

"How long are you going to do this?" Piper said, exasperatedly

"Do WHAT? Tell the TRUTH?"

"Pick your drug business over…yourself…over…US?"

"I honestly have no fucking clue what you're talking about."

"This is the same shit you've always pulled.' Piper slammed her hands on the table. 'Why are Kubra and his men more important than anything we had? Why are they more valuable than your own very fucking life?"

"Pipes, that WAS my life. When I did that... Don't you get it... I fucking ended my own life that day. I fucking live in constant paranoia.. I now have absolutely no prospects for the future…and fuck, Piper…do you think it's so easy to let any of that go? My life? I had an amazing life. Kubra paid me to…travel around, see the world. We partied, we had…so much fun. And…there was you! I was paid to take care of you, we went everywhere together, and I fucking loved every second of it. Pipes…that was my life…and now…it's not." Alex paused, staring at a wall and trying to blink away tears. "Piper, he gave me the tools i needed to be me.. to have confidence and ...lead the life I wanted to lead…and now it's all gone..."

"Would you rather be dead?' Piper whispered, exasperatedly, trying to catch Alex's eyes which seemed to be darting everywhere but refusing to land on Piper. 'Alex…Alex, I…get what you're saying. But I also know that…yours is still a life worth living...with or without fabulous drug money."

Alex chortled as Piper struggled onward.

"It was kill or be killed, Alex…and it…It kills me to hear you be so.. so careless with the life that I...I loved with every fibre of my being...the love of my life, which was you, and not your money, or even the trips around the world…as amazing as they were. The love of my life, the time of my life, Alex, was anywhere you were, even in this shitty jail. And now she's just throwing herself to the wolves..."

Alex was more obviously starting to cry and diverted her eyes from Pipers, hoping she wouldn't notice.

"Alex, I…love you so much. It never goes away. And I know you're mad. I know you're not in a great place. And it hurts me beyond all else to know I am not in here, with you, to be your support. I came here to talk to you about trying to appeal your sentence…because, more than anything, I believe you should be free. Not just because I wish we were still together, but because I truly believe in you, your heart, and I know you aren't someone who deserves any of this. And I get it if you're not there yet mentally. I get it. But I can't do this without you on board. I want to so badly, I would fight off every one of those wolves to save you.. But I can't without you .."

Alex finally looked to her, their eyes connecting again, green and blue.

" I want you to know.. It was so painfully hard for me to come here today. But now that I'm here.. I don't want to leave.. And I know I'm going to have to.. But I'm here, Alex. If you ever finally get around to putting your priorities straight...and stop being a complete, total ass."

Piper stood up and began taking up all her papers and uncharacteristically throwing them in her briefcase.

Alex looked up hopefully.

"So... No mad libs?"

Piper angrily snatched her pens off the table and, without so much as another word, spun on her heels and left.


	3. Chapter 3

_First off, I wanted to say thank-you to all the kind readers who have already begun to leave comments on (and even follow!) the few introductory chapters I've published. I've always played through ridiculous fanfic ideas in my head and it's such an honour to be able to put them to paper (ahem) and actually have non-judgemental people not only listen in, but actually support my work. This is the first story I've ever written, so I know it's far from perfect, but with your continued encouragement I promise to do my best to both improve and push out chapters in a timely fashion. Thank you for your…patronage ;)...*exhale*… and now, without further ado, I introduce my newest piece of fruit – Chapter Three!_

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She didn't want to, but Alex found herself somehow enraptured by Piper's every movement, fixated as the blond gathered her belongings to leave. There had always been _something_ about that girl, something so primal and innate, that seemed to lure Alex in and enslaved her every thought and emotion. Sitting across from her, Alex was left to play witness to Piper's frustration as it cast a glaze over her icy blue irises, dulling their sheen to a strong, almost intimidating shade of gun metal. She found her own eyes longingly tracing a lock of golden hair that had fallen forward from Piper's shoulders, framing a clenched, yet delicate, jawline. Alex even noticed a little twitch playing at the corner of Piper's lips, the likely physical manifestation of some biting social commentary or played out concern for Alex's well-being. Processing everything, not wanting to miss an inch or even a second, her eyes slowly tracked down Piper's body, absorbing every minute detail she could, subconsciously committing every stunning curve back into memory. Betraying all rationality, Alex acknowledged that, somewhere, lodged deep in the recesses of her crazy mind, Piper still exercised complete control - she was the judge, the jury, and her executioner.

 _What can I say?_ Alex shrugged internally, uncontrollably raising her eyebrow coyly. _Girl looks great in a skirt._

Alex's mind danced around in jumbled thought as she was being escorted back to her block, the thunking of each boot step echoing throughout the halls like a metronome keeping time. Finally back in her block, Alex languidly flopped down on her bunk, wincing as her back made contact with the hard metal frame. She found herself involuntarily going over every subtle nuance of her conversation with Piper, word for word, over and over again. Had she said the right things? Acted the right way? Made the right decisions? _Maybe I should have been nicer. Too sarcastic? Less phoney?_

Alex stared up at the ceiling, furrowing her eyebrows. Why had she been mad at Piper again in the first place? Seeing the blonde often made her forget things, today being no exception to the rule. She vaguely remembered being resentful when it had come time for Piper to leave Litchfield - _was that it_? As Alex remembered it, the day before Piper's release had actually been full of arguing, Piper's characteristic self-absorption at an all-time high as she failed to see the difficult situation Alex was being left in. _Of course I'm fucking happy for you_ , Alex had stated forcefully when confronted with the contrary. _B_ _ut now I'm going to be stuck in here, ALONE, Piper - for a very, very long fucking time! How do you think that makes me feel?!_ Alex still had several years to go before she would be done serving time for her part in Aydin's murder, and while she was thankfully allowed to serve out at the years at Litchfield - mostly due to her model behaviour during the riot the year before - they were going to be long years still.

Alex's mind drifted back to the riot, her arm experiencing an odd sense of dull pain as the thought triggered memories of it being broken. Piper had proposed to her, a sweet gesture, a ray of light in the darkest of caves. Happily promising one to the other, Alex had finally come to terms with the fact that this was the one person she could finally trust wholly with her every emotion, a privilege she had never - and knew would never - bestow upon anyone else. Piper had made Alex swear that upon their release they would play the straight and narrow, and as Piper wove her fingers into Alex's that day, icy blue eyes connecting with green, lips playfully pulling the other in...on that day, in that moment, Alex had been sure that Piper was the only home she needed. In that moment, Alex was home.

And yet, there was Piper, preparing to leave: excited to be going home, happily packing up her few belongings in a neat little box, surreptitiously taking with her the only safety net Alex had ever known. Alex just didn't know how to reconcile the two. _Fuck you, Piper Chapman._

What was left for Alex? Of course time promised to dull the wound, just as it had done for her arm. As with her mobility, so had her mental strength slowly returned. Even still, many days she felt hollow - a mere shell of who she used to be, stronger and yet not quite complete. More than Piper leaving, she resented how weak and pitifully powerless she felt when she was with Piper. The thought of such dependence, such a constant need for validation, almost made Alex physically ill. And here she was again: Piper, Patron Saint of the Prison Miscreants, putting herself on some sort of pedestal above everyone else, swooping in to save the day.

Alex wanted to wretch.

It wasn't long after that she heard a familiar shuffle approach and a body solidly throw itself down in the bunk across from hers. Alex sighed deeply.

"What do you want, Nichols?" she drawled out, depressed and unmoving, still looking up at the ceiling.

"Ah, ey, Stretch, cawmon, is that how you say 'Hello' to your one and only best friend, snatch sister, fellow delinquent, master dyke?"

Alex rolled her eyes, wishing she had the energy to come up with a snarky reply. Instead, she removed her glasses and found herself roughly massaging the bridge of her nose, willing the tension and irritation she was feeling to disappear with every stroke. Unsurprisingly enough, it wasn't working.

"Ey, cawmon, what's wrong?" Nicky prodded.

"I don't have any product for you right now, Nicky, if that's what you're after..."

"Ah, ey, who said anything about that? You really think that little of me? I mean, it would be nice, don't get me wrong, we all know it would be nice, ok, and who are we kidding, I mean, I'm like a fucking bloodhound, I got that, uh, _whatchamacallit_ , spidey-sense, ok, I know you got some product somewhere stashed..."

"No, Nicky."

"Well, now that you brought it up, even just a little taste, cawmon, be good for both of us, little escape, cawmon, don't make me go down to D-block to deal with the crackheads, I know you got a lil' somethin' somethin' somewhere..."

"I said FORGET IT, NICKY. I'm not in the mood!"

Alex's frustration gave her just enough energy to roll over and face the wall, turning her back on Nichols, an act that hurt Nicky more than she would let on. Yeah, she wanted to get high, but beyond a top-notch supplier, Alex was still a hell of a friend. She leaned her back against the wall, resigning herself to both another day sober in paradise and another day as the prison camp counselor. Lightly banging her head against the concrete, she repeatedly tried to blow an errant curl of hair out of her face before swatting it away with irritation. Silence looming between them like an elephant, Alex wished that, just this one time, Nicky would leave her alone.

"So...Vause, you gonna tell me what happened to get you all emo and shit?" Nicky laughed.

Alex reflected on Nicky's question, but didn't respond right away. "I don't want to talk about it," she finally answered carefully.

"Are you sure about that? Absolutely sure? Because I came all this way to see you, and if you're not gonna sell to me, at the very fuckin' least I would really appreciate some sort of conversation or _somethin_ so I know, you know, that I didn't waste my fuckin' time walkin' over here. So what you got?"

"I wasn't aware that it was my job to entertain you, Nichols."

"God, you are such a fuckin' dick some days, you know that Vause?"

Alex paused for thought, deciding to, at the very least, roll back over on her back and not *completely* ignore her friend. Groaning, she ran her fingers through her hair, realizing she was being every bit as self-absorbed as Piper had often been.

"Have you ever been in love?"

Nicky balked at Alex's sudden, random question.

"God, I fuckin' hope not, I mean...gee, I wish,' Nicky laughed, 'I've heard so many great things about it, you know, like what it does to ya, warms your heart, you know, makes you lie in your fuckin' prison bed bein' all soft and weepy and shit, ignoring your friends and bein' a dumbass..."

"Seriously - have you?" Alex asked again, quietly.

Nicky thought deeply. Had she? She had most definitely felt *something* more for Lorna than she had felt for most of her other sexual conquests. But if she was being completely honest...

"Does heroin count?"

Alex laughed huskily. She turned to lean on her elbow, pushing to move away from her thoughts.

"Maybe, if that was her name..."

Nicky's eyes lit up as she nodded and laughed. "Right?! Can you imagine?"

Alex smiled sadly and looked down, her index finger tracing a figure-eight on her scratchy blanket. "Chapman was here..."

Nicky's face fell, shocked. "Chapman's back?"

"In prison, no. In my life? She's...trying..." Alex shook her head and laughed darkly as she watched Nicky's eyes swell to the size of golf balls.

"So...what are you going to do? What did she say?"

"Honestly, Nicky - I haven't a fucking clue."


	4. Chapter 4

_Hi everyone, hope you're having a good summer (or winter, I guess maybe, depending on where you're reading this?)…sorry I haven't updated in a while, I've been dealing with work and school stuff. I picked up my journal and re-read some of my ideas for upcoming chapters with one idea in particular I'm excited to write about and so I thought I ought to get that scenario set up before I lose my train of thought… so, without further ado, here's chapter four… enjoy!_

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Alex felt joy as the mid-day sun poured down on her shoulders, the dry heat sinking deep into her skin and relaxing every muscle. The sand beneath her feet, while blazing hot on the surface, became blissfully cool as her feet sunk into it, the grains of sand and mud coming together to form mountains around her toes before avalanching down between them. For the first time in what seemed like forever, Alex was overcome with a sense of total autonomy: powerfully confident, she felt the flush of raw sexuality coursing through her veins as she walked, conscientiously placing one giant paw in front of the other, the muscles in her shoulder blades tensing and bulging with every step. She looked right, left, quick - right again! - her ear instantly cocking at the slightest perception of movement coming from behind her. Suddenly, he appeared, sauntering into her view - a lion, majestic golden mane flowing, his golden-brown eyes lustfully landing on her. Eyes locked, muscles tensed, the two stood completely still, both refusing to let the other out of sight. His tail began aggressively swishing back and forth, rigid with anticipation, when - suddenly! - he ran towards her, pouncing on top of her and locking his jaw into the back of her neck. He used all his force to push her down, attempting to subdue her into submission underneath him; she, growling in fury, spitting, swatting him away. He on top of her, she on top of him, she writhed from under him, backing up, a guttural cry erupting from deep in her diaphragm. Hair on end, teeth bared, she stared him down, confused and angry, heart pounding in her chest. Unable to control herself, she ran towards him, pouncing on top of him, seizing his mane with her teeth, the two rolling over with the force of her movement, both completely overcome with the need to...

 _What the fuck?_ Alex woke, startled, her forehead beading with sweat.

She looked around, momentarily forgetting where she was. Brushing the hair from her face, she exhaled, embarrassed to find herself oddly turned on from her dream. _That's some Freudian shit right there,_ Alex thought groggily, pushing herself up from her bunk and freeing herself from her sweaty blanket. It must have been still early - it was eerily quiet and dark in the block, the harsh silence only punctuated by the light snoring of her bunk mate. Quietly she tiptoed to her locker, opening the door just enough to reveal a pile of messy, used notebooks. Grabbing the topmost and a pen, she clambered back into her bunk and waited for her eyes to adjust to the darkness, wanting to record the dream before it left her. She knew it had to have some sort of importance - it was just too weird, too vivid to be ignored. _Lucid_ , Alex mused on the perfect choice of adjective, _it was ridiculously…lucid._

Writing and word craft had become some of Alex's choice ways to pass time in prison since Piper had left. Pen in hand, blank page in front, she could get lost for hours trying to find the right words to explain a particular emotion, time spent happily in the solitude of her own mind and blissfully as far away from the never-ending parade of prison drama as possible. It had become, for lack of better words, an escape from the harsh reality of her life, a saving grace akin to the respite provided by being in the throes of a good book…or in the company of a beautiful woman.

 _Piper..._ she began, putting pen to paper with some hesitation, her pupils zeroing in on her name and bringing the text into sharp focus. The truth was, despite everything, she wished she could talk to Piper right now. She wished she had woken up next to her and not in her cold, hard prison bunk. She fantasized of lazy days, soft sheets and plush pillows, Piper's warmth and intoxicating scent cuddled close. Alex closed her eyes, allowing herself to be taken back to a time relatively early in their relationship when she, having awoken suddenly from a bad dream in the middle of the night, accidentally jerked Piper awake as she sat upright. Alex remembered feeling guilty when Piper had looked up at her, one eye still closed, mumbling a sleepy _what's wrong_ as she grabbed at Alex's hand. She wasn't someone to share things like dreams with people, but Piper was different - and as Alex uncomfortably stared ahead at the wall and began unravelling the details from her nightmare, she found herself slowly calming down as Piper weaved her fingers into Alex's, reassuringly gripping her hand throughout and encouraging her to share. Finally, having gotten everything out, the silence of their bedroom was punctuated by Piper who, reaching up and rubbing Alex's arm, lovingly comforted her by gently pulling her back down to bed. Alex remembered feeling so in love in that moment, sinking down beside Piper and pulling the duvet up to cover them both. Alex cuddled into Piper's shoulder, deeply kissing the crook of Piper's neck, wanting to linger in that moment of intimacy for as long as possible. Piper turned into Alex, kissing her softly on the forehead before wrapping her leg around her waist, pulling her in as close as humanly possible, her hand playfully sneaking under Alex's shirt and gently clutching Alex's abdomen. Alex rested her arms around Piper's waist, melting into her, her heart threatening to lunge out of her throat as their eyes connected, their lips magnetically teasing each other, longing to come together…

Alex exhaled, her clitoris throbbing sensually underneath her sterile prison garb. Eyes opening, she was shocked to realize she had drifted off, the lights already starting to flood through the dorms. Scrambling for her notebook and pen, she knew she only had precious few moments before…

"Rise an' shine, ladies… Today is the first day of the rest of your life…"

C.O. Bell's annoying lunchlady voice punctured Alex's thoughts, ripping through any pleasant feelings she had left from her dreams. _Too late._ Groaning, she threw her belongings back in her locker and headed to the cafeteria.

The day was as bland and uninspiring as the prison eggs and slop served for breakfast, Alex finding herself mentally detached from her surroundings as she mechanically pushed through her daily routine. Alex once again found herself cursing Piper as thoughts of her infiltrated her every waking moment, a virus infecting her mind and soul.

 _"_ _How long are you going to do this?'_ Piper screamed in her head, _'How long are you going to put your drug business before youself…before US?"_

"US WHO? YOU LEFT ME. AGAIN!" Alex paused with embarrassment in the hall, her words loudly echoing throughout the walls.

"That you, Vause?" a voice replied.

 _Fuck_ , Alex internally cringed. _Not him, not now._

Luschek rounded the corner in front of Alex, almost slamming into her, a shit-eating grin spread across his face.

"Yo, Vause, yo!' Luschek teased, suddenly dropping his voice. 'You've been dry for a while, what happened? I've got product ready to move here…"

"Yeah, well, I'm not so sure I want to be doing this anymore…"

Luscheck's smile dropped, his adam's apple bulging out of his throat as he gulped and tried to keep calm, his hands curled into fists in his pockets.

"What do you mean, you're not so sure you want to be doing this?' Luscheck repeated, incredulously. 'You've…you've got to do this…we're a fuckin' team!"

"I've just got some…moral concerns about dealing right now…" Alex sighed, pushing her glasses up into her hair.

Luscheck hissed, veins beginning to pulse in his forehead as his face turned beet red. "What, you fuckin' kidding me with this? We move all this shit around the prison and you say this to me now? I've got a pound of product on my fucking hands because of you!"

"That's not my problem," Alex stated simply, crossing her arms.

"Well, you better make it your fucking problem!" Luscheck spat, kicking the wall.

"Look Luscheck, half the product I take from you just gets sold to Nichols anyway, why don't you just deal with her?"

"Maybe I would if she wasn't a fuckin' junkie!" Luscheck yelled, his temper boiling over.

Alex averted her eyes away from the tomato staring her down with bulging eyes, his ragid breath cutting into the air like a saw. Her deal with Luschek was another piece of her post-Piper apocalypse, a return to dealing as a means to feel normal and in control over her life again. _Fuck it,_ Alex conceded, taking the ounce from Luschek's pudgy hands, _drugs or Piper? Pick one._ Since then, Alex had sold regularily around the prison, an expert in the art of the drop. Nicky, in particular, loved the arrangement, as it meant she could score top notch product and never have to deal with Luschek personally. At first Alex didn't mind selling to Nicky, but over time she wondered how long it would be before she would end up dead in some stairwell, her body pale and limp, bloated from drugs and decomposition. And now there was Piper in the back of her mind, nagging her…

"I have to go…" Alex muttered, brushing past Luscheck.

"Hey! HEY! This isn't over…" he yelled after her. Alex kept walking brusquely, her legs taking her away, her mind racing.

 _Who the hell have I become?_ Alex walked faster, her hands wiping away a tear. _Who the hell am I after all these years?_

Alex stormed into the prison chapel, the sound of the doors slamming open echoing throughout. Breathing a sigh of relief at the empty pews in front of her, she threw herself down on the closest one and broke down sobbing.


End file.
